I am not a venison eater. My husband and sons are and they hunt responsibly each year. While they aren’t trophy hunters, they do occasionally harvest a deer they are extra proud of and so I end up with antlers displayed on my wall. Though it is not my aesthetic, it is their home too, so I try to compromise since they do harvest ethically and responsibly, which is important to me.
When we moved into our new home a few years ago, the one thing I told the men was that they could put their “decor” anywhere but the fireplace as that was the only area I had deer free. That, dear reader, is where this tale began.
Two years ago, my husband harvested a large cull-buck. A cull is a deer that, while good for food, needs to be removed from the population to keep the rest of the herd in the area healthy. This particular cull had some very large horns and my husband asked my father to mount them. As I headed out that fateful April morning, I stepped over the minefield of camping items being packed for the spring Boy Scout camp, bid my husband and son goodbye, and gleefully headed to the market for the ingredients for boeuf bourguignon, some fresh flowers, and a good bottle of wine. My intentions being a weekend of good food and a marathon of Julia Child. Little did I know, that mount would be arriving while I was out.
Happy with my shopping and anticipating a wonderful, relaxing evening, I stepped through the door only to find that a giant 9-point monstrosity was placed right in the middle of my mantle! My husband and his mini-me were, of course, long gone. Do I suspect they planned this to avoid my wrath? Yes. Will they admit it? No.
As I chopped onions with a fury worthy of any Spartan, inspiration hit. I finished my prep and placed my stew in the oven for the two-hour cook before heading into my living room to put my scheme into actio.
It took a while since I have no talent for florist work, but with lots of trial and error – and a few words I normally don’t use – I eventually created a large, removable, crown of blooms.
“The horns look better now,” I texted – and then promptly put my phone away. When I next picked it up, there was a barrage of frantic texts. “What did you do? Did you break them? Where are they? WHAT DID YOU DO?”
What did I do? This…
What followed was 30 minutes of texts followed by a phone call in which I, tears of laughter streaming from my eyes, had to convince him I did not, in fact, hot glue those flowers to the horns. Eventually, I did manage to pacify him but, of course, I had to get in one final parting shot before we disconected.
Me: Well, have fun. April and I love you.
Jody: Who is April?
Me: Your beautiful deer!
What began as a petty act of revenge has now become one of the most fun parts of our lives. April is a veritable smorgasbord of fun. She changes into Morticia for Halloween and oversees the handing out of candy and treats.
In February, she morphs into Evangeline and likes gumbo and king’s cake for Mardi Gras. She even changes into the lovely Noelle for Christmas.
This deer has become one of my favorite items in my home and serves as a reminder that, in farm-to-table and field-to-table, it is important to know where your food is sourced and, for your animal-based protein, it is equally important to make sure it is ethically and responsibly harvested. Read labels, ask questions, and visit the farms where your food is grown.
There is a whole world out there behind those packages of chicken, beef, pork, and seafood in the store. Check them out – you’ll be glad you did!
